Post by Julie on Feb 25, 2007 22:35:02 GMT -5
What the hell is wrong with me? The first person to show me a lick of kindness in the last three years, and all I can do is bait him. I'm sure he's sick of me by now and wishes he never offered me hospitality, but he's stuck with me. Technically, I've done nothing that breaks the customs of host and guest. Trust me, I've thought about it, but with the storm coming through town, I can't afford to be back in the shithole I was in before that night at the museum.
Apologizing doesn't come easy for me, what with being raised in the Glittering Throng, but I'm starting to feel like I owe him at least that much. They're just words, forms of etiquette used because it's the proper thing to do. Saying you're sorry in no way means you actually feel bad about what you did, but it makes it easier for everybody else to put it out of their minds so they don't have to bother themselves with punishing you.
He offered me something I never thought I'd be tempted by. The fact that it took me as long as it did to work up the will to say "no" makes me wonder. I keep saying it doesn't matter to me what court Micah was before he was exiled, but now I'm starting to question myself. If he had come right out and said he was Unseelie, would it have changed things? Would I still have...done what I did? Or would I have walked away, leaving him in his miserable, monstrous darkness, just as alone as I was?
They say a human who has once touched Sidhe flesh would kill for the chance to touch it once more. They also told us that once you were exiled, banished to the human world, you became human yourself, subject to all the base needs and desires of the human condition. I don't know if that's true, but if it is...was that all it was, then? Did I fool myself into thinking I had something real, blind myself to the truth of the situation, all for just the touch of another Sidhe?
Is it possible that I really am the shallow, wretched, useless creature I see reflected in their eyes? I can't go home, and I can't stay here. What does that leave for me? Where do I go from here?
Apologizing doesn't come easy for me, what with being raised in the Glittering Throng, but I'm starting to feel like I owe him at least that much. They're just words, forms of etiquette used because it's the proper thing to do. Saying you're sorry in no way means you actually feel bad about what you did, but it makes it easier for everybody else to put it out of their minds so they don't have to bother themselves with punishing you.
He offered me something I never thought I'd be tempted by. The fact that it took me as long as it did to work up the will to say "no" makes me wonder. I keep saying it doesn't matter to me what court Micah was before he was exiled, but now I'm starting to question myself. If he had come right out and said he was Unseelie, would it have changed things? Would I still have...done what I did? Or would I have walked away, leaving him in his miserable, monstrous darkness, just as alone as I was?
They say a human who has once touched Sidhe flesh would kill for the chance to touch it once more. They also told us that once you were exiled, banished to the human world, you became human yourself, subject to all the base needs and desires of the human condition. I don't know if that's true, but if it is...was that all it was, then? Did I fool myself into thinking I had something real, blind myself to the truth of the situation, all for just the touch of another Sidhe?
Is it possible that I really am the shallow, wretched, useless creature I see reflected in their eyes? I can't go home, and I can't stay here. What does that leave for me? Where do I go from here?